I love the X-Files and to celebrate the new season I created a list of episodes that I think about often.
Every time I fly — Tempus Fugit and Max
When boarding a flight, attendants rattle off credit card and loyalty programs giving members an opportunity to board first. They usually have corny names like Sky Priority Boarding Zone and for some reason all I can think about is:
So much leg room!
Every time I get my nails done — Irresistible and Orison
Donnie Pfaster is a serial killer who fetishizes over women with red nail polish and prefers natural redheads (re: Scully). He’s the ultimate creep (and a demon), I mean look:
Every time I have a ringing in my ear — Drive
Bryan Cranston’s character must drive west to keep the pressure in his ear from exploding his head. Gruesome? Sure. But Bryan Cranston makes this episode one of my favorites.
Every time I get mansplained — Never Again
This Scully-tastic episode includes her meeting a new guy, but he has some issues (he thinks that his tattoo is compelling him to kill and stuff). This is one of the first episodes that focuses solely on Scully and emphasizes her much needed break from Mulder. At the end of the episode an exhausted Scully remarks to Mulder:
Every time I see an LED screen — Blood
In this episode, electronics compel people to kill via short messages on screens. So now I’m a little suspicious of my Fitbit’s words of encouragement after it told me to “BURN IT.”
Every time I hear “Wonderful! Wonderful!” — Home
A creepy inbred family1 murders to keep family inbred (to the crooning of Johnny Mathis). I also think about this episode when I’m hangry, but you’ll have to watch the episode to understand this (creepy) reference.
Every time I think I’m going to enjoy a bath — The Host
Mulder and Scully track down a flatworm monster that slithers through drains and attacks. Since this is one of the scariest monsters, I pixelated its flatworm face1.